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Arranged marriages

The Statement "In India marriage comes first, then love, whereas in a Western love relationship marriage often is the end of Love" is an very kontoversel Statemant. On the one Hand vor an Western it is hard to Understand why People accept an Arranged marriage with an Partner they Do not know or only for a few moments. But on the other hand when you take Laxmi and Deepak as an example For Love in an arranged marriage Then it seems the System of arranged marriage may work.
25.3.15 21:30


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arranged marriage vs. love marriage

" In India marriage comes first, the love, whereas in a Western love relationships marriages often is the end of love".

the concept of an arranged marriage is something that has been prevalent in Indian society and culture for the longest time. In fact, today up to 90% of marriages in India and 60% off all marriages in the world are arranged.

But first ...

An arranged marriage is not a marriage of choice. Not the cuple stands in the center but the two families as a whole. Both sides work out a list of what they are looking for , what they think, is a perfekt partner for their child, nephew, etc. Those lists normaly include the educational level, the family background and career. Indian singles have no problem trusting their relatives to find them a match. Therefore, if there are any issues between the cuple, the whole family gets involved and everyone trys to make the marriage work. The family decides who you marry, and that custom and tradition means that you are "stuck" with who you marry. For granted, the cuple stands under a lot of pressure. The families sometimes force the cuple to stay togeter wich mostly continues in a long loveless marriage just for the sake of society and the average "good feeling". Thats the cause why most people tend to belive that arranged marriages tend hold longer. But this doesnt have to be the clause because two people who are in that same situation marry, have sex and children, they often bond. And without the "escape clause" of divorce as a possibility, both parties try and be nice to each other, and love often develops. For centuries arranged marriages were the norm in many places and divorce was unheard of.

A love marriage is more difficult for both parts of the cuple and the family. Some marriages may not have the support of the families who sometimes point fingers at the smallest mistakes so they can say "i told you so", which ofcourse leads to more truble for the cuple and opens up even more burning points. This is one of the main causes why a marriage out of love doesn´t work out. On the other Hand there is the possebility that the cuple grow appart and the similarities and interrests are not enouth to hold up the relationship. An other causeis the differences in the cultures and behavios in a family, which might be common in an western civilisation but not in an Indian. Same with the differences in questions of the religion. And that not only of the cuple but in terms of what marriage should be performed or what religion the childeren should be taught.

In India the people are taught that the "young raging hormones" have no role to play in a marriage. So, there is no impulsive marriages and thereby no dreadful divorces. This is the main reason, why statistics show the divorce rate of 1.1% in India and nearly 50% in western countries like America.

I don´t agree with this statement. In my opinion everyone shoud decide on their own who they want to share their life with but it is indeed the parents task to prepare their childeren well so they can grow up to be strong independend individuals. When every choice is taken away from them, especially in terms of love and picking a partner for life, they won´t ever have the chance to live on their own !!! 

By: Paula Grünewald
25.3.15 17:34


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